MLCers lie. They lie to hide the affair and create their webs of deceit around the infidelity. But at the same time MLCers can be creatures of cruel honesty, though they may not intend cruelty. MLCers are often truthful about their feelings. They hate you and everything is your fault. You married too young, your relationship has been bad for twenty years–even if you’ve only known each other for nineteen; you married because kids were on the way… They may site recent opinions or facts such as impending parenthood. But feelings are not right or wrong, good or bad or even indicative of reality; they just are.
MLCers cycle is as much truth as MLCers lie. When your MLCer spews venom at you, you are hurt. When he cycles toward you, what do you feel then? He tells you that maybe there is a chance…you never know. Maybe it’s something as simple as him being nice or going on a family outing. Since he was spewing yesterday do you assume he must want something and is thus being manipulative? That could be true, but there may be a noticeable difference in their behaviours when niceness is due to manipulation. Is he being charming and confident, does he seem timid, resigned, excited? Does he sneak glances at you when he thinks you won’t notice–are they admiring or conspiring? Each person is different. In my experience charm was a warning of manipulation. Resigned is a sign of depression and guilt; he wants to be with you but his guilt increases when he thinks about what he is doing and the pain he is causing and thus he will avoid you–but he’s being nice because deep down it is genuine.
Some are skeptical of an MLCer tossing breadcrumbs and giving you hope–it feels unfair because they snatch away the bread and your hope crashes. But that is your hope, not something they gave you. Believe what you want. Your MLCer may be genuine when he tells you that he loves you–even though he hated you yesterday–or when he wants to see you or is simply nice. He may not be intending any meaning about returning, so refrain from reading too deeply into his actions. But you can still accept them as genuine pieces of heart which now are not enough to piece together a relationship, but someday you may have enough. Though remember, that love is not meant to be hoarded; it multiplies when you give it away. So keep giving it whether he gives returns it to you or not.


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