Elaine was Upset her husband is angry about her affair
Well, yeah. First, that is a normal response, even when the MLCer realizes and acknowledges the anger is justified, they are upset about it. That makes sense; do you want your spouse–or anyone–to be angry with you? You may want it in the sense you feel you deserve it, but it’s not pleasant.
But go back and watch Elaine and Miles. Observe their body language. Look at him. Look at his face. He is stiff and tight-lipped. Elaine said he is boring. I think he has not dealt with his anger and may have problems acknowledging and expressing his feeling and emotions. This could be a typical male pattern, or it could be a wall he has built within this crisis, but he has a lot of mirror work to do.
Miles has been in this crisis for a few years. He could be you in 2-3 years. Look closely at your possible future. I’m not talking about the marital situation, but about the emotional situation and attitude. Is that who you want to be? It seems he has let this situation beat him down and destroy his love for Elaine. Right now he is left with duty. Thank God he’s got that, because it is a starting place. But it would be stronger with more.

What can you do to start with more?
I know a lot of you have felt or are even now feeling like your MLCer is destroying the love you had and you are falling. You aren’t sure you want to keep Standing, some of you are sure you don’t want to keep Standing. Some of you are only Standing out of duty.

So what can you do now, even while your MLCer is gone, stuck in Monster, living with the alienator…to begin the process of forgiveness and rebuilding your part of the love–it will be agapé, Eros is a coupled effort–and protect your love from destruction?
Figuring out what you can do is hard. So step outside of yourself and look at Miles instead.
How would you advise him?
What do you think will help him find his way to loving Elaine again?

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Dr. Phil Guests Elaine and Miles: Where’s the Love?1 Comment

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