• Survival Instructions for Newbies

The forum moderators and I have been discussing creating some basic survival instructions for those of you who are new to this crisis in your marriage. These instructions will be posted on both the blog and at the forum–most likely as a sticky topic at the top of the community forum. Several of the moderators will post their own versions to the sticky topic and I will add them to the blog series.

This post is about instructions rather than information. In depth information about some of the instructions can be found throughout the articles. I have listed some starting resources at the end of this post.

Self Care

  • Get enough sleep. Not sleeping? Try meditating to either help you get to sleep or to give you some rest.
  • Eat well. You may already be losing weight rapidly. Eat!
  • Breathe. I know, you think this is something your body does without your reminding it. But in your present panic and anxiety mode, your breaths are probably too shallow. Breathe slowly and deeply.
  • Give your MLCer space and take your own space for solitude.
    • Take a hot bath, go for a walk
  • Get A Life (GAL) away from home. Socialize and spread your wings.
    • Go to the Gym
    • Take a class
    • Go out with friends

Physical & Mental Health

  • Get support by talking to a pro-marriage counselor or minister
  • Do you need to see your physician? Antidepressants are beneficial for some people.
  • Alternative Care: Hypnotherapy et al.

MLCer Communication

What to Avoid What to Do
Do not share this website Read about MLC
A few starting resources are listed below
Do not tell him he is in a midlife crisis.
MLCers do not believe they are in MLC
No Beg-n-Pleading Detach
No crying in your MLCer’s presence
No Pressure
No Questions
Questions are pressure
No discussing the affair
No relationship discussions
Do not bring up divorce
Do not defend Listen
Some of your MLCer’s complaints are valid.
Do not blame or accuse Validate
I’m sorry you feel that way.
Do not allow your MLCer to engage you into an argument. Walk-away, hang up, delete…
Protect your finances
You may need to remove yourself or your MLCer from various credit card accounts.

You can find many more resources at my Links & Books page. But to avoid overwhelming you, here are the places to start.


  • Men in Midlife Crisis By Jim Conway
  • This Is Not The Story You Think it Is By Laura Munson
  • Divorcebusting By Michele Weiner Davis
  • I Don’t Want to Talk About It By Terrence Real
  • Codependent No More By Melody Beattie

The Hero’s Spouse Articles


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