We use so many metaphors to describe similar things that things can sometimes get a bit mixed. We talk about needing a foundation on which to build. But then we talk about planting seeds from which to grow.
Foundation (Merriam Webster Online)
- a basis (as a tenet, principle, or axiom) upon which something stands or is supported
- an underlying base or support; especially the whole masonry substructure of a building
- a body or ground upon which something is built up or overlaid
Those all seem to be ways of saying the same thing. In some cases the foundation is a tangible physical structure and in others it may be concepts or theorems, but in all definitions, further things—physical or conceptual—use the foundation as a support structure to build upon.
Seed (Merriam Webster Online)
- the fertilized ripened ovule of a flowering plant containing an embryo and capable normally of germination to produce a new plant
- a propagative plant structure (as a spore or small dry fruit)
- a propagative animal structure
- a source of development or growth : <sowed the seeds of discord>
Again we see similar definitions. A seed initiates something—literally life, but metaphorically it can be the birth of ideas and cultural or political movements.
So both terms, seed and foundation, are terms of initiation. Foundation implies strength; it is a structure that is already in place, whereas seed is about something completely new.
In-Fatuation may seem like a bad thing to many of you right now. It feels like it’s working against you since it is what your spouse claims to have for the alienator. Okay, your spouse calls it love, but I won’t go so far as to validate that it is true or real. But love has to start from something and in-fatuation is not a bad thing. Most marriages in western culture today start as in-fatuation. It is a seed which grows into love and you probably had it when you first started dating your MLCer. It was an exciting surge of hormones, but those gradually faded to a less addictive and more controllable level; your spouse thinks they died away completely. But love sprouted from those surges. It grew roots and they spread. The strength of love is not a seed, but the oak is still mighty. Love is in the roots which provide the stability, the strength—the foundation.
A foundation is a starting point for building more, but since the foundation did not spring from nothing, but itself started from something, technically it’s not the initial starting point. A foundation is what you have in your marriage—deeply spread roots. Your MLCer may ravage the building that is upon the foundation, but the foundation itself remains. It is your history and your family. It is the lessons you learned together, how to calm each other down, how to excite each other, how to cook just the way you like or not use the foods you don’t. You built your foundation of countless little things as well as a few big things. So your love started as an in-fatuation seed and from there it developed a root structure which became a strong foundation for the plant above. As you continued to grow and develop in partnership both the roots and stalk continued to develop—the roots growing in order to support the growth above.
Think about the affair for a moment. I know, yuck. Not deeply, just consider it. It is a tiny seed bursting with hormones. If it has been going on for awhile and in-fatuation is fading—or possibly has completely died—there may be a withering shoot trying feebly to reach the light and a shallow thread root deficient in nutrients.
Think for a moment about what is above the seed. What was above it when you started dating your spouse? Is it the same thing? Unless you were stealing someone else’s mate, there was soft earth above you and above, that open air and sunlight—glorious. Above adulterous in-fatuation is a foundation, the foundation of your marriage. Try and get through that!
I know, it feels weakened by the adultery seed pushing upwards on it. But Paving the Way strengthens the foundation even amidst this turmoil. Adulterous relationships rarely survive because they are adulterous. They don’t break up because of irreconcilable difference or incompatibility. No, they fail because deception is not something upon which to build anything of permanence. With deception comes a lack of trust and with a lack of trust comes jealousy and attempts to manipulate and control. Paving the Way is about the Unconditionals, it is something you do for your spouse and marriage, but it is not conditional upon that relationship. The Unconditionals are the ideal of how we should treat every single person, creature and aspect of Creation. That means they are not about getting our way, controlling and manipulating. They are about respecting others as well as ourselves. The Unconditionals are an attractive force that is a barrier to the sprouts of foreign seeds.