• Rollercoasterider says:

    I think MLCers will use any excuse they can grab to get you to think that the situation is your fault. MLCers leave whether we discuss divorce or not. Whether he feels tied to your marriage or not is his feeling and not something that is within your control. Do what you feel is best because you feel it is best, not because of how he will feel. IF you do not want to discuss divorce, then stick to that. He will try to twist it against you. He may tell you that he hates you even more because of it and that you are ruining any chance of reconciliation–that's what I heard. IT's just an MLCer's attempt to bully you.
    My recent post What is Bomb Drop?

  • yalck says:

    My BD was over two years ago and I am still standing for my marriage even tho he has been living with the OW since Oct 09. Some days I question myself as to why I continue to love him when he clearly is enjoying his other life. OW allows him to drink and smoke and basically do whatever else he likes. He had double bypass heart surgery 8 years ago and last year had his prostrate and bladder removed due to cancer, so I just bet his life is fantastic! She is an uneducated, twice divorced, rather plain manish looking person who clearly loves the drinmking and smoking lifestyle. She has 2 kids, 21 and 13 living with them so it must be heaven. My H told me on our anniversary last year (31) after he sent me flowers that he would never divorce me so I guess my saying that he will wait to I am sick of all this and file myself. THen he is no longer the bad guy.

  • xyzcf says:

    Thanks RCR…BD was July 2009…he needed space, wanted a "separation" and confessed to an affair…1 year of telling me 5 times that I could return of I was going with him..then Sept 2010…second BD…"i don't want to be married to you anymore". Legal separation should be finished very soon.
    I came back sooner after BD #2…the year before…I think I knew…he really showed no enthusiasm for my returning.
    He has never renaged on his Sept 2010 stance….Without the information on the site and the help of so many wonderful peole there, I would still be lost. Instead, I know he can come back, I know this marriage can work but I also know that it can be a very long time and that ultimately it's up to him.
    I still have trouble accepting that this could happen to us…we had such a great 33 years…I used to think I dreamed it but more and more I can see, it was really good…and somehow that frees me..because I didn't make it up and that is really important to me..regardless of what happens in the future.

  • smartie says:

    In most all the posts, you refer to the MLC as he, I am the Stander here and Im the HE, the MLC is a she! and yes this site is a lot of help to me! She is the "I love you , but im not in love with you" person….

    • Rollercoasterider says:

      In most blog posts I refer to the MLCer as they/them/their to be gender neutral. BUT in the older articles on the main site I did use he more often than she.
      Those have been revised on my manuscript, but I did not go back and revise the online versions of the articles.

      Statistically men and women have MLC at about equal rates. But women seem to seek out support through websites like mine and so it makes it appear that there are more male MLCers than female. Today the ratio at the blog is 1 male to 3.6 females.

  • […] edge and then it will appear that we were correct when really we helped to manifest the outcome. Bomb Drop for an MLC situation may look and feel like Bomb Drop for a situation that is more of a midlife […]

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