• Agape333 says:

    Hugely helpful to me today, Rollercoasterider – thank you. My MLCer has recently left for the 3rd time in 4 1/2 years, following what appears to be the same, or at the very least a very similar, path. The one thing that has been different in the past 2 returns, is the alienator – different OW. I know that you often speak of an affair being a relationship, but it almost seems as though his infidelity is more MONSTER driven. I say that because I feel that he uses these OW to medicate only – it never seems to be a true relationship but more just like trying to quiet the storm.

  • Agape333 says:

    Just the same, I see wherein I did not establish boundaries for his return that would require my MLCer to fully work through his crisis. Not only was he premature in his returning, I was premature in allowing it. I have been thinking of it in the context of pulling him from the flames before he goes through the fire. He needs to go through the fire, right? He knows I love him and has grown a bit too secure in feeling that I will always be here, no matter his behavior. It is now time for him to feel that he may possibly lose me. He is cycling again and I am going No Contact as much as I can (we have a wonderful daughter). Thank you for the reality check.

  • […] and stop being a jerk because there are no guarantees. What I can tell you is that some choose to come home—or they would if their spouse would let them. That means that in many cases the situation is up […]

  • liltchr2 says:

    What about when you ask them to leave and be with her and they won't leave…just keep coming home every night?

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