• Hopenoexpectation says:

    Completely exactly my situation.

    "the spouse wonders if it is a midlife crisis since he may be nicer than so many other MLC stories she reads about, or in trying to place her MLCer within an MLC map and timeline, she becomes confused since he seems so depressed. Replay behavior may be recognizable, but depression is also prominent and she may wonder if he is in or approaching …"

    The Antiheroe style is very very the one I used to know before BD, and disappeared at the beginning of the post BD ( energy was higher and he had sometimes Monster behaviours) . But 28 months later I see my H totally lower. He is secretive but tries to talk, he feels so bad, and tells me so.Thank you so much RCR.

  • Hurtsomuch says:

    I read all this information and I am at a loss. To put my situation simply, my Husband of 10 years [together for 17 years] I have 2 children [my first Husband died when they were 7 and 5] I married again when they were 16 and 14 and we were a very happy family. He dropped the bomb shell on January 2nd 2010 after a wonderful Christmas together, we returned to Holland where we were both working, [ I came here for his job }
    Since he left there has been no other woman, he says he is not gay, he just admits to wanting to be on his own and lead his own lifestyle, which he now does. I did not want the Divorce, but he said he no longer wanted the marriage so what alternative was there. He would like to remain friends and tries very hard to keep the children in his life, but not me! If anyone can give me any ideas…I am at a loss, he says there was nothing wrong with our relationship, he still loves me but wants to be on his own!!?? please help.

    • Rollercoasterider says:


      I am so sorry for your pain and confusion. This is still a rather typical scenario. Most do have affairs, but not all. It is more likely that he is a Low-Energy Wallower. You say you\’ve read all the information–do you mean this post or all the articles on the main site and here or threads at the forum?

      It\’s not going to make sense to you. Your husband probably knows that as well since he has been unable to give you a reason, but says there is nothing wrong with your relationship.

      Have you joined the forum? I recommend you post over there, because that is where there is a back-and-forth community. I also recommend that you read through the recommended resources for newbies–at least to see if there is something you have not yet read.

      You feel that since he wants out, what\’s the alternative. Well, the alternative is to say \”No\” and refuse to help with the legal process. You will need to do your part, but part of your part is contesting and saying that this is not only not what you want, but it is not the best action for the situation–in the court papers. Basically refuse to agree to a divorce. That doesn\’t mean you won\’t be divorced, but it means he will have to go through the legal channels rather than get it by having you sign a mutual agreement to end your marriage.

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