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Rebirth and Reintegration3 Comments

  1. I'm sorry but I don't find all of this to be true for most MLCs. I can tell you that the Mlcer/Narcissist has plunged me into my dark night of the soul. The stages you describe here are what I went through word for word and I'm still going through for the most part.
    The discard, the avoidance of responsibility and the monster behavior…the complete disregard of the the left behind spouse is not only indicative of the crisis but of a personality disorder that is now become overt rather than hidden underneath a cloak of niceness kindness and love. The NPD person is no longer getting supply from you and cheats, discards and abandons without any empathy. This is what I have experience throughout this journey. It's been 5 yrs. At first all I did is feel regret and guilt for not being who he wanted and needed. I agonized over the loss and the way I was being treated. So much pain! I would be coming to this forum bruised, broken for support and to understand what had happened to my life to make it explode in the way it did. I found no answers. I think midlife crisis is just another excuse for NPD for most spouses. There are men and women who have genuine MLC but there is a different quality in the way in which they act, especially with the left behind spouse. My take.
    I also think that we have a tendency to label ppl too much and to make excuses for their lack of accountability. I've waisted many years of my life doing just that.

    • It makes sense that these are the stages you went through as they are general to Rites of Passage–I have added the additional specific phases between the three main stages.
      I have often said that a midlife crisis is like temporarily having Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There are also those who come to the boards with true NPDers or people with higher than average levels of narcissism rather than MLCers–not uncommon. The key is change–was the person like this at all before or is this a complete personality change?
      As you said there are men an women who have genuine MLC. The challenge is that there is an overdiagnosis. When people arrive at the forum there is already a bias toward the situation as MLC since it is a forum about MLC. it's then difficult to sway others off of MLC for a situation that may be something else–especially when there is overlap or similarities.
      I don't ever want there to be a lack of accountability for an MLCer. But I do get how that is a trap that LBSs fall into. We are so relieved to find a reason for the odd behavior that we excuse it away.

  2. My ex is still with alienator after eight years of fights with her children, her cheating on him he came home twice went back to her. She is currently in another province for more than a month and he is begging her to return. Bottomline it’s still the same roller-coaster for them the only thing that has changed, is that he respects me and does not monster.

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