Comments

How Do You Know When You Have Established Reassurance?9 Comments

  1. Married 31 years…It has been close to 4 years since bomb drop. Of course, I'm tired. My husband never moved out physically but really wasn't here. He spent all our money. After a depressive bout is receiving therapy. I've discovered that Individuals with a bipolar diagnosis or borderline personality disorder act amazingly similar to people going through MLC. Could this be why it takes so long for them to work through the process…is it really maybe just a recognition of their semi-interest to reingage but still loving the pull of impulsivity and excitement of inappropriate actions…a lack of self control?

    • Yes, Personality Disorders (BPD, NPD and HPD) do often look like MLC and I personally believe that those PD traits we have within us surface during MLC–so MLCers will seem like they have a personality disorder. I think this goes for Bipolar Disorder as well. The difference is that MLC is not Bipolar od a PD; MLCers changes are often to an opposite persona, whereas with PDs a person has exhibited them since adolescence or early adulthood. I don't know if there PDs are considered biochemical issues, but bipolar disorder is and so at least there is pharmaceutical help. Of course the challenge then is getting a person to accept such help–and continue accepting it once they feel better on it–because so often they then think they are cured and can handle it without continuing medication.
      PDs and bipolar people can have MLC on top of their condition. For PDs, the MLC is like their personality disorder squared–or perhaps cubed. Someone who was not quite NPD, but close suddenly tips into NPD.
      I don't know if personality disorders have become some sort of hot issue topic outside of MLC now, because when I first started studying MLC it was about 2 years until I really started to study them–I saw some causal NPD references, but nothing like today where so many people seem to automatically think their spouse must be–and has always been–a sociopath. I read/hear more references to borderline than I did and wonder as well. Maybe some of the people have read my article, but I'm reading references outside of my site and so that's why I wonder if it's just been a topic that has been in the media more–and since I was studying it simultaneously I might not have noticed others were suddenly taking notice as well.

  2. Thank you for the reply…slippery slope figuring which of my 64 year old husband's actions may be related to depression, Irritable Male Syndrome, MLC, Post Traumatic Stress, Narcissism or other Personality Disorders; Makes it challenging to determine how much of what he says I can even trust…I feel he doesn't want to lose what he has (since he's getting older and more achy), and even though we've just started couples counseling, he can't help but comment that if it weren't for yoga pants, there'd really be no reason for him going to walk (exercise) at the mall, which he does at least twice a day. He tries to do little acts of kindness but clearly isn't ready to take on much responsibility. I'm hoping, since the therapist doesn't acknowledge MLC, but only the narcissism, depression, and anxiety, that I'm not doing more damage to myself by going. Thank you for making a difference for all of us.

      • No. Reassurance takes 18 to 36 months. You are in the first weeks after Bomb Drop where he will get tired of your repetition because it is part of beg-n-pleading. You need to stop reminding him–consider saying "I love you" to be a type of relationship discussion and stop doing it.

  3. My husband is doing the responsibility section even down to cooking food and bringing it in take away cartons , how many of the sections would they need to be showing before you implement phase two .
    Thank you

  4. My husband left straight after bomb drop 3 yrs ago. He has been living with alinator for 2 1/2 . I’ve asked for a divorce but he won’t answer me, just ignores me. Not seen him for 7 months. Alinator says there having the time of their lives on Facebook. ( l don’t look lookthe kids tell me). Our house is payed for, I’m living in it with our youngest daughter (we have 5 kids) she’s 21. I’ve asked him if l can sell the house but he won’t answer me. Why??? We have been together 33yrs married 25. Why won’t he let go if he’s living with the alinator

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.