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Influence: Making a DifferenceNo Comments

  1. It has been nearly 4 years since bombdrop. I was married for 20 years and he left me for a mutual friend. I have watched him turn into someone that is cruel and heartless. I feel like this midlife crisis will never end. I was standing but I do not want to anymore. What is the best way to let go with grace? We are separated but not yet divorced.

    • Letting-Go with Grace is about forgiveness and empathy.
      Is there a divorce in process? If not, are you considering filing?
      Do the two of you have any interactions?
      Grace is about responding rather than reacting. So if he is cruel to you, recognize that he is acting and reacting from within his fears and treat him with love–agape love which is how we should treat everyone.
      It doesn't matter if he respects your kind treatment, whether he notices it or even if he thinks it is a ploy, that is fearful paranoia. Love Anyway.
      My recent post The Middle Passage: Embracing Versus Avoiding Part 2

  2. It has been almost 3 years since bombdrop. We have been married almost 29 years and he left me 1 and 1/2 years ago for a younger woman he worked with. I had been holding onto hope beause he still pays the bills and calls me just to talk, but he doesnt want to see me or face me. I just found out they are planning a big summer vacation away at the beach. I feel so hurt , it seems eveything is just hopeless. OW has already told me she is always going to be there. We are seperated but not divorced. I am scared .Do I just give up and let her have him, They already live together,

    • Have you been to the forums? I recommend you go over to the forum, register and post a story thread. We have a mentor program where every new poster who starts a story thread will be assigned a mentor to help them.

      Basically what you are describing is typical for MLC–which means it's not hopeless. Your MLCer is a Boomerang contact type. I can't tell if he is Clinging or not, but his frequent contacts defnitely qualify him as a Boomerang–even if they are not face-to-face.

      It is also common for the MLCer to live with the alienator–Sweetheart alwasy moved into the alienator's house when leaving home. It's also common for many to continue to pay the bills, though doing the opposite is also common.
      My recent post The Middle Passage: Embracing Versus Avoiding Part 2

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