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Can an Affair Make A Marriage Stronger?7 Comments

  1. In the chat Tammy mentioned that people find it hard to give up the piece of themselves that they found in the affair, rather than the affair partner. You mentioned that you think that is more common for women than for men.
    Can you expand on this please?

  2. My response was not so much about the giving up pieces part of what she said–it just took a long time until it was my turn to speak! I was referring to the idea that a person finds something they felt they had lost–those pieces. The pieces she was talking about are not things you would want to give up–or your spouse to give up.
    When I hear or read stories of women who have cheated I hear more about how they found or discovered something within themselves that they thought no longer existed. It's hearsay or subjective–I'm just basing it on my interpretation of anecdotal stories.
    Both men and women may have an affair in search of excitement–they want the fireworks, to feel alive… I think with men they get that feeling from the relationship itself and for women I think many get it from what the relationship does to or for them. What that means is that the men in an affair may associate that with the affair partner and the in-fatuative addiction and with a woman who is cheating, she may associate it more internally and it can continue without the affair partner.
    Did Sweetheart discover things–awake something dormant within–through his affair? I don't think so. I don't think he found a new sexuality and discovered his body all over again. I think it was the entire experience of his MLC that brought an awakening and not his affair.
    When Tammy was speaking I immediately wanted to ask if she thought that was more of a female thing and when she went on after I spoke, I did not fully agree with her–or at least with how it sounded when she made a reference to my situation. I think it's more about interpreting what she said and it can be taken in a few directions though.

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