- The Affair: How Does One Eliminate the Temptation?
- What if the Affair Starts Again?
- Is Saving My Marriage Even Possible?
Ask a Question
I love my husband very much and want to save my marriage, is it even possible at this point?
If this is MLC and Bomb Drop was recent and by at this point you mean right now, then chances are it’s not going to be right now. But that does not mean that it’s not going to happen. Typically I warn that a reconciliation that is less than two years after bomb Drop is rare. That does not mean that you should start expecting to see more signs of reconciliation at the two year mark either; it just means that before that time it may be a premature return. Or it may not, and maybe it can go either way. MLC averages 2-7 years and most people do come through eventually.
Between then and now there may be a lot of changes taking place in both you and your husband and changes are a gift and it takes time for us to adjust to our new and beautiful Self. So while your husband is focusing on his changes—and yes, doing it in a weird and even hurtful manner; your job is you. And there may be points in this journey when it feels more possible and points where it feels impossible; it can be up and down. That’s why your job is you.
When you focus on you, you are going to blossom into an attractive force and many MLCers look back at what they left—only to find that what they left behind is out in front.
Whoa, how’d she get there? Shouldn’t she be miserable and falling apart from a broken heart?
Well, how’s she doing that? How is she thriving? What is her secret? I need some of what she’s got.
I can give you a lot of BLAH BLAH BLAH information about learning about MLC and understanding what’s going in in his head and I think that is all valid—you can find that stuff in the Midlife Crisis & Infidelity resources. But saving your marriage distills down to saving your Self first, only after you do that is the other part possible. That means that the most important resource area is Mirror-Work. Detach from the drama and focus on You.
Your husband is not a whole person right now and neither are you. You don’t get to do his part for him, but you can do your part and get yourself whole. A healthy marriage is made up of two whole individuals, not two partials who need each other for wholeness. As two whole people you will complement each other rather than complete each other.