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Is Saving My Marriage Even Possible?7 Comments

  1. i am finding your articles very interesting. My h of 31yrs has moved out 4yr ago to live with a woman of another ethnic group and he is an absolute racist. He has changed completely. When he moved in with her 4yrs ago it was sheer bliss. It was just 5star holidays and weekends away. He even brought his affairee along when our children whose 27 and 23 took him to breakfast 2yrs ago on fathers day. He called them every 2nd week but they asked him not tn call them as they will call on a need to basis. He was upset and blamed me for their actions and filed for divorce. I had the settlement papers and did not sign them. When he went on holiday this year, they were in a car accident, and then he wanted the papers as we cannot continue to live this way. I gave him the papers. He seems to be thinking more clearly and is helping me more financially, in the past i had to hear that he has to live and cannot give more than he is giving as he is paying our mortgage bond which is quite high. A fourth person has surfaced who is much younger than his affairee in fact she is our daughuers age and he is wining and dining her frequently

    • I believe that God is using the situation with the much y6unger woman to open my husbands eyes. I will not have a husband who is coming back and wanting to leave again. He already knows what he has given up, but is too stubborn and proud to come back home. On mothers day he spent the day with us. He was very subdued, and claims that he enjoyed the day with us. I asked him why he was so quiet if he would have preferred if i was rather not there and he said nope he wants me there and i do not understand. he really does not fit in with the family anymore. I love my husband very much and i am glad that this affair has happened, as i found myself again, as my whole life was planned around my husband. If i wanted to do something and did not have his approval, i would cancel. I now live for myself and other people around me. I can honestly say that God has taken a bad situation and turned it to His advantage. I have more time to help people with their problems. Not neccessarily marital problems only but i can reach out and tell people of the power of forgiveness. It heal the inside. If i am happy and stressfree, my mountains are molesheaps, it is still there, but it is not that huge mount Everest that i cannot overcome. I fix my eyes on Jesus and that is the way i walk on the water. There are days that i do look down and sink, but then i know where to fix my eyes. This affair has killed me, i took 30 sleeping pills and my son resuscitated me. This affair also gave me a new meaningful life. I am stil praying and waiting for my husband to become sane as he is living in a make believe world.

    • That is too specific a question for me to really answer because such a thing varies.
      After 4 years I would like to hope that he is near the end and you say that he has been showing some changes toward you.
      This additional other woman is also interesting. There was one of those in my situation as well. It came to nothing, but the risk was there. HeartsBlessing wrote a revised version of Jim Conway's MLC stages and she described a sort of mini return to Replay in the final stage. She discusses it in this post: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topi

      • our divorce was finalised in court on the 4th. He phoned me to say that he is very heartsore that it ended, but his preferances have changed and we should not judge him for it, . He wants us to remain friends as he reckons that i am the best woman that he has ever met and has the most respect for, but he cannot help that he does not want to lead his old lifestyle anymore. He also says that the reason he never sold our home and take his half, is to secure that he has an abode one day as he wil never be able to buy or rent a place on his own. Worst is the woman he is living with has such a reputation with men with whom she co habited and he fell for the very woman ignoring the history of her . Her 16yr old daughter wil be giving birth soon, and when i asked him if rumous are correct, he first denied and told me she is a child herself but later correctf his lies. He wants us to believe that his life is a fairytale, therefore he would lie about everything, My husband hates babies, i do not not know how he is going to cope with a crying child in the house. But i suppose that baby wil never cry. I might be stupid to still believe in my marriage which ended in divorce, but i trust God that he would come through this as he has no friends no mother no wife who can speak his mother tongue
        . He is with total different people who do things differently and then there is the 27yr old and he has pictures of her 16yr old in undies on his phone. He is definitely not thinking straight

  2. Save our Self first, that's indeed our job to do. It took me almost two years to realise that. We're both growing and becoming better persons, but it takes time to learn how to trust eachother again. I'm a stander because of my past. My parents divorced, both my parents found a new partner, I lived with my mother, my father killed himself after having two little boys with his new wife. It took 38 years to give this a place in my life, I suffered a lot and my past was an issue in our relation. Now I realise that my father probably had a MC and that there was a reason why I had to deal with this as a child. It made me stronger. I'm a stander because I believe in myself, in my husband (although he doesn't use that word) and our family with three great children. Thank you verry much for your articles!

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