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Stop Calling Her a Mistress!2,844 Comments

  1. I agree that the term mistress somehow legitimizes the other woman's role. H calls her his girlfriend, which does the same. I picked up on using 'ho' from my teenagers, although I disapprove of their use of that in front of them.

    Alienator is a good descriptive term which I like to use, but am guilty of just using ho or OW when typing. Alienator describes her role, behavior, and the consequences of her actions.

    • Sweetheart doesn't like OW–don't know why, it is neutral and not derogatory. I just don't like acronyms and I wanted something gender neutral for the book. But also…the alienator decided to rename OW and said it stood for Other Wife…the two of them thought it was funny. So when Sweetheart told me–.tauntingly– I laughed at him and said actually it stood for Old Whore. Hey, she's got 8 years in me, so it fit.
      My recent post Stop Calling Her a Mistress!

  2. Well the alienator in my life knew H was married and because they worked together and spent more time together than we did because of work schedules she used the situation to her advantage. They have now lived together for 18 months and she is still married to her second husband. When I pointed out the fact to my h that she had two failed marriages he excused it by sayiing nothing was her fault. I can only imagine that rewrite of her marriage she told my H and the same for him. The one and only conversation I had with her face to face she told me that since I was obviously not making him happy she certainly could. H bought it hook, line, and sinker. He is now finding out that fantasy is nothing like he dreamed it would be. I continue to stand for my marriage because I truely love him and know that MLC is not something he asked for but something that has happened to him.

  3. I'm looking for an appropriately negative term, not one that has been sanitized, one that when I mention it to H, it stings with truthful reality, rather than evades the truth.

    • Oh, I will certainly admit to calling her a whore-skank-slut–sometimes each separately and sometimes as a single label–to Sweetheart and to her on one occasion when she was calling our home number when I was home. I was especially not going to clean up the label for her. But as a Stander it would not work with Sweetheart if I called her only that and completely demonized her.

      I did want to make sure those seeds–which he himself planted–about her being trashy grew. But-and this true of many–he kept thinking I was laming her completely for their affair and that I was not blaming him. I think I actually laughed in his face when he said that to me and let him know that both of them were 100% responsible for their own actions.

  4. Cont’d
    But me as a professional it is not appropriate–though for me as a wife my emotions use the label–though less than when it was raw. And mistress may seem like a less emotionally-charged term and that could be why the media uses it. Yes, it is less-emotionally-charged. But it is so much so that it also cleans the definition to remove the stain and pain of the sin.

    But even during the crisis I recognized the importance of it. It's similar to labeling your MLCer. I called him Sweetheart to remind me, had I called him a$$hole I may not have done as well in my Stand–negative affirmation.

    • Cont’d
      But even more importantly, like it or not, the alienator is an actual human being. Sure, with feelings, but my point is more that she is also one of God's creatures–a sinner of course, but so are the rest of us. So I prayed for her–and not that harm came to her–though I did pray for turmoil and arguments in the affair.

      She is a broken person and is a typical affair down. I don't know her history of destroying marriages, but I do know she is the type and that her mental state makes her susceptible to bad relationships and makes healthy relationships probably impossible. I don't want her in that poor state. I don't want her to destroy someone else's marriage.

      My recent post Stop Calling Her a Mistress!

    • Cont’d
      But even more importantly, like it or not, the alienator is an actual human being. Sure, with feelings, but my point is more that she is also one of God's creatures–a sinner of course, but so are the rest of us. So I prayed for her–and not that harm came to her–though I did pray for turmoil and arguments in the affair.

      She is a broken person and is a typical affair down. I don't know her history of destroying marriages, but I do know she is the type and that her mental state makes her susceptible to bad relationships and makes healthy relationships probably impossible. I don't want her in that poor state. I don't want her to destroy someone else's marriage.

      My recent post Stop Calling Her a Mistress!

  5. Well my h alienator is also an affair down, she is on second failed marriage which none of it is her fault according to h. I really hate the fact that h and her live together with her 13 yo daughter and no one seems to think this a problem. That young girl now thinks it is OK for a woman to break up a marriage as long as the woman is happy. Maybe I am just old fashioned or maybe just old but each generation witnessing mothers and fathers living with other mothers and fathers without divorcing is just adding fuel to the fire. Who needs to get married when you can just live with someone else's spouse until you get tired of that and then just move on to the next. I have called both h and OW some pretty choice words but normally just to myself. I have absolutely no respect for OW and very little for h.

  6. I have taken to using the word prostitute. To him, her and everyone else. Her motive has been blatantly about money since the day they met, so much so that she will verbally assault both me and him if she sees that I have money to go shopping. For that reason I find prostitute to be very fitting. A woman who sleeps with men for any type of personal gain, it doesn't have to be money, it could be a status thing or a boost to the ego.

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