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The Case Against Return Statistics7 Comments

  1. Statistics never tell the entire story as you pointed out. I have been separated from my h for 18 months now, his choice not mine. H is living with OW for 17 of those months. She is nothing like me, I have Bachelors degree, she HS diploma, I am 53 she is 45. I did mostly everything for H she does very little. I guess you could say she is the direct opposite so I guess this allows h to never compare. Until h can take a look at what he did and why he left those statistics mean nothing to me. 70%, 80%, 90% doesn't matter when it is YOUR life that is affected. I keep hearing and reading that most affairs last around 2 years so as I approach that statistics I wonder how accurate it really is. He spent 30 years living with me so how can they even compare one life to another. Anyway I no longer worry about the stats!

  2. Good for you!
    I've heard a variety of statistics about affiars. the stat that makes sense is that most last 6 months…but an MLC affair can last an average of 2-3 years. So if the 6 month statistic covers all affairs, the actual non-MLC average may be less than 6 months…it just gets confusing when you start to add the additional data points and they are about groups and I'm me, not a group!
    My recent post The Case Against Return Statistics

  3. Well maybe in 10 years we will be able to have some statistics from the people that post on hero's spouse and maybe we will be able to either confirm or deny what you have written.

    That would be my hope!

  4. Well I have been married for 19 years next month. In process of divorce. My other half has proven in last two years of marriage to be an habitual liar. This makes me question when the lies began, were there any truths…. We have 3 girls, the eldest two are fully aware of his lies and activities!!! You realise how many people, especially woman, are true friends. Since separation five months ago I feel well, am no longer repeatedly lied to. I no longer have to pretend. He lives with the OW, yet lies continuously to our kids. I know he’s cohabiting as I have found his car repeatedly hidden about 800 yards from her home, 15 miles from his alleged rented property. Now is mire painful as I watch my children hear and react to the continuous lies. I am always there to pick up the pieces, mop up the tears etc. Mlc men are selfish monsters who need to be banished, however life isn’t fair and the left behinders are the ones who are treated like paranoid outcasts. I love my children, my home, yes to a point my lonely life. He has no responsiblity, no financial commitments… I have none of these. I am winning, growing stronger by the day. I would love to be loved again, yet that’s a hard pill to swallow when your true love rocked your world.I was fickle as a teenager. I married meaning every vow, I will never marry again as if I did I would be a hypocrite… Through sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part… If you don’t mean it, don’t do or say it!!!!! I Know we are in the 21st century, however life is too easy come easy go,I love to have fun, be bad(sometimes),however we need to understand what commitment and responsibility really mean.

    Take care, a confused left behinder. Xx

    • People can write their own vows or revise traditional vows. I agree, they don't have to say 'til death do us part.' My cousing got married a few years ago. Her husband is atheist and they wrote their own vows. They were some of the most beaituful vows and it was the most beautiful ceremony I have ever attended–and Rilke poetry. But they did not talk about forever. I did and I meant it. I don't want them to get divorced either but at least they honored the vow by not saying it if they don't beleive it. They may intend it but not feel it is a guarantee and I respect them for that.
      My recent post Dr Phil’s Midlife Crisis Episode- My Feelings About the Show and Guests

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