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What I did…as a StanderNo Comments

  1. I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I am finding a sense of peace and acceptance lately. One thing I had to do was stop talking about the situation. People, well meaning, would want to talk and help to make me the victim. I had to move through the pain but I could not get caught up in victim thoughts and I had to eliminate the opportunities that would energize those thoughts. I became very aware of excuses and refused to believe them. I would not call myself a single mother because I would not even let my mind go to those words. I hope this isn't denial. I don't think it is. It's more a matter of language. I decided that no one would write my story based on my circumstances but me and I saw something wonderful in my future. I don't know how or when but it is my belief at the core and anything that went against it wasn't allowed into my headspace. Any challenge to my belief was just a problem to solve.

  2. I feel so separated from God right now. I am praying, but I don't feel the closeness I used to. I know I have had prayers answered. When my mother was creating so much havoc in my life I literally cried out to God "Please take this from me, I don't want to feel like this anymore!" A sense of peace came over me so quickly. I have never experienced anything like it. I don't "hear" God the way some of the others on the forum seem to. I am trying. If this is His way of getting me back to Him, I am not pleased by the method.

    I am not quite sure what is meant by a Knowing. Was that a feeling from God that it would work out or just an internal gut intuition type of feeling. The kind women use all the time in various situations. I have no feeling that this going to go one way or the other. I am so confused. And so I continue to work on myself and discover lost bits of things I used to love to do before I buried myself in this marriage.

    • A Knowing is something beyond typical gut intuition–it is an intuition of a more powerful value. That may be because it is given for something of great importance or value. A powerful Knowing is something that comes in a time of great need, but not always when you are literally crying out in a specific moment–sometimes a response that comes in a moment may not even be a Knowing…__A few years ago I was driving in the rain and did a spin out in heavy freeway traffic. In the midst I spinning I screamed something like 'God, please help' or 'God, please stop.' Suddenly everything stopped–accept my engine and the downpour. The entire wall of traffic behind me stopped. They didn't just stop, they waited. I had hit nothing. My car stopped sliding and spinning immediately. But I had no intuitive Knowing and I don't think I needed one since the actions spoke for themselves.

    • I think when we feel separated or not as close to God it is our own separation, not His. It's not that we are deliberately turning away, but states of fear and panic close us from recognizing and hearing communications. When your stomach is in knots you are tight and closed and thus not as receptive. Meditation puts you in a greater reception because it is a relaxation technique.
      My recent post What I did…as a Stander

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