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Will the MLCer Marry the Alienator?7 Comments

  1. You may want to see Dr. Nancy Kalish's website. Her surveys show that only about 5% of those who have an affair with a "lost love" will end up with the lost love. As to divorce rates, the divorce rates are higher among second and third marriages, which, by definition, would include those who marry from an affair. I guess it may be difficult to get exact figures, as this is an area that can be replete with lies by those being surveyed. Perhaps we should work on getting a grant to study the issue. Do affair marriages last longer if only one of the new spouses was married during the affair, hence less baggage? Or does the fact alienator (and I love that term) was single show he or she was not good marriage material in the first place

  2. Pingback: Book Review: When Good People Have Affairs Part II | Love AnyWay

  3. This information is good to know. My husband left me and took some of the furniture and the throw rug off the floor and got an apartment. He an the Bitch are still dating. He calls but i dint feel he is coming back at all. He mentioned something about going to Atlanta and i know she is probably pushing him to leave Philadelphia so i hope this information is correct. Thanks for a job well done.
    TERRY1957

  4. my divorce was finalised yesterday. my husband of 31yrs phoned to say he is feeling bad that a lifetime with me has ended, but he preferances have changed and we should not judge him.

  5. My Ex expedited the divorce (6months after "bomb drop) which occurred as soon as legally possible. He married 9 months after divorce to alienator (8th grade girlfriend with whom he'd reconnected on FB). Alienator was also married, her father died same month she divorced her exhusband, and my ex and alienator married 5 months after her divorce.
    I'm doubtful as to whether this marriage will last, but I have no kids with ex, and he now lives 100 miles away, with no indication of, or reason for possible future contact.
    Thank you for this article, which is exactly as you said, what I "really want to know." Ditto on the "job well done" remark above.

  6. My husband and I have been together for over 23 years…married for 20. This is a 2nd marriage for both of us. Both of our exes are and have been remarried for as long or longer than we have and are doing well in their current marriages. I am 50 and my husband is 48. We have a D-18 and a S-11. H and I have been separated since April 2014. There is an alientator but they are not living together and he still tries to deny her to others. He refers to get a “a friend”. I would like to know where our marriage chances fall in these statistics.

    • Melanie,

      I don't think there are specific statistics like you are requesting. Personally I am not a fan of statistics and only wrote this article as a reassurance to LBSs.
      Since we are each individuals, this is not like a controlled chemistry experiment; you can change the odds by how you react or respond to your situation.
      It's great that he is still denying the alienator.
      I recommend you head over to the forum and post your story and read the other stories. We change our odds when we detach and learn how to interact with an MLC spouse with grace.

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