Truth Dart: A short statement that cuts through an MLCer’s confusion and chaos, planting the seed of a question in their mind.
Typically you won’t receive a mature response at the time of delivery. Truth darts grow as an MLCer processes the insight. Short statements cut through the haze beneath detection; long monologues may lose an MLCer’s attention or incite too much anger. They aren’t about realizing an immediate change and a thank you for your honesty. Truth darts have no tip, they’re a mirror. They’re upsetting because directing the MLCer to the mirror encourages thinking, forcing them to face the truth and consequences of their actions, whether they like the truth or not.
Paving the Way doesn’t mean you tell your MLCer pleasant things they want to hear and avoid being real. The delivery of a truth dart needs to be calm, firm and cordial rather than curt, rude or demanding. An irritable tone may drowned out the meaning of your words so that your message goes unreceived.
Truth darts aren’t criticisms, complaints, insults or rants and they shouldn’t be confrontational, but sometimes they hurt. An MLCer may feel the sting of painful truth and reacts with Monster. Sometimes an MLCer admits the validity, sometimes the dart is subtle enough that the MLCer doesn’t immediately feel the sting; instead the truth dart may quietly plant a seed and that seed of dissent within the MLCer may grow. It may enable them to doubt their actions, or feel shame and guilt, but they may or may not associate it with the truth dart sent by you since the seed grows gradually and brings their own thoughts and associations. A neutral and detached delivery will have a better chance of penetrating the barriers your MLCer may have built to keep you out.
- Divorce destroys families.
- Do you really think that someone who steals someone’s wife respects commitment?
- Honorable spouses don’t leave by adultery.
- Your relationship with her is starting with adultery and destruction. That doesn’t bode well.
- Do you really like the person you see when you look in the mirror?
- Actions speak volumes. You’re spending all your time with your new girlfriend; she’s more important to you than our children.
- You’ve changed your mind about being together 5 times already. Knowing how you feel now doesn’t seem very trustworthy.
- What kind of example are you setting for the kids? Do you really think they’ll come to you for help or advice when they are married, the man who abandoned them?
- My husband was always a good father to our children. Who are you?
Notice that isn’t a direct answer, rather it encourages an MLCer to think and answer for themself.
Truth Darts work well as a response to something an MLCer says.
- I’ve never felt this way about anyone. She makes me feel alive. I haven’t felt that way about you in years. She’s my soul mate.
I understand that you have feelings for her, but it sounds like an attempt to justify adultery.
- I can’t be happy without her; I need her. I would die without her.
That’s not love. It’s addiction.
- It’s not because of him. We grew apart.
Of course we grew apart, you’ve been having an affair! You dedicated the energy and emotions that were meant for us to your affair.
- I wish you’d stop treating me like a child.
I’m sorry; that hasn’t been my intention. But consider that maybe you feel I’m treating you like a child because you’re acting like a child.
I am working on this as a piece to add to my manuscript; it will combine with the When to Challenge section of Balancing Love, with Truth Darts replacing the heading When to Challenge. I’d love it if in the comments you could add some of your own examples of truth darts. I used some that I’ve read, some I used and some I just made up, but I don’t think I have enough variety. I would like a bigger selection to choose from—though I think I may need to use fewer than I have listed here in my final version.